I am Angry at myself for being frustrated at how happy my children are…

Hmmm, there were a lot of emotions in that sentence. Let me start with the “happy” part.

We just got back from Thailand. In Thailand, (as opposed to where we live in India), there is green grass to run in, trees with green leaves, a lovely blue sky with puffy clouds floating along in it. Our kids were at places where there were lots of other kids whom they could play with. And they spent many of their days runny around, giggling, laughing, getting skinned knees and grass stained skirts, and in general, being like I think normal kids should be.

The reason I am frustrated, is that I know that that is not how they will be in Varanasi, that there are no places for them to run and play (other then their concrete room), and there skin will turn back to a grey color from the dust.

The reason I am angry with myself is twofold: one, our children are happy in Varanasi, even if they do not have things I wish they would have. And second, India is where we are supposed to be at this time, so why should I be frustrated at how happy my kids are when they are NOT there?

Anyways, a gamut of emotions.